Perpetually 的个人资料Liar Liar Pants on...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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12月6日 I really should add something funny...just for Megan, but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I probably won't. Let me add a photo, though. It's our Christmas tree - 6 feet tall, with nine - YES, NINE strands of lights. I'm not done yet. Passion Parties by Shelly Holiday 2006 Newsletter
11月16日 Cross-posting the HELL out of this one!While I'm sitting here eating my TWO Sausage McMuffin with egg (shut
up. I haven't been eating much lately, so just SHUT UP!) I'm pondering
the lyrics of my new Theme Song. A week or so ago, Craig handed me a
copy of a CD, unlabled, and handed it to me as I was off to a meeting.
I've barely made it past the first track. In fact, it's one of those
songs that I like to turn up REALLY LOUD in the preschool parking lot
right after I've dropped Brandon off. I open up the moon roof and turn
that mother out, if you know what I'm sayin'. The bass line alone is
enough to make the other soccer moms think I'm gonna put a cap in they
ass. Anyway, here are the lyrics, with annotations. Werd. Lyrics to Weird Al's White & Nerdy (Ridin' Parody)You see me mowin' my front lawn - I hardly think so. Allergies, my friends.I know they're all thinkin' I'm so - Possibly. White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Can't you see I'm white and nerdy Look at me I'm white and nerdy I wanna roll with the gangstas - not especially But so far they all think I'm too White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy I'm just too white and nerdy Really, really white and nerdy First in my class here at MIT - Didn't make it that far Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D - Never played it, but I've watched my husband play. Does that count for anything? M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.- I could possibly agree with that Keep you're 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea - while you know I love to imbibe adult beverages, pregnancy prevents me at the moment. I choose tea. My rims never spin, to the contrary - THIS is absolutely true. Spiinning rims make my head hurt. You'll find that they're quite stationary All of my action figures are cherry - well, most of the ones I have *are* new in box. Mostly Star Wars. Stephen Hawking's in my library - Not yet, but it's on my list. I do read history books for fun, however. My MySpace page is all totally pimped out - not especially, but I try. Check out myspace.com/darkerviolet and myspace.com/kcpassion to see. Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces - HA I WISH Yo, I know pi to a thousand places - Craig might. I know 3.141blahblahblah. Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces - Got mine off in 1988. 1 day before class photos. I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise - NO. I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days - I'm no good at it Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed - I *could* however, show you some sweet moves. My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze - The sweet moves may or may not be related to my fingers. There's no killer app I haven't run (run) - well, that's probably not possible, but close! At Pascal, well I'm number one (one) - Ehh, no. Ask Craig. Do vector calculus just for fun - NO. I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun (what?) - No, but I have several glue guns. Happy Days is my favorite theme song - Either that or Brady Bunch I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong - Because I'd cheat and knock your head in with the paddle. :D I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on - This one, I'd agree with. I dare you to challenge me to music trivia or 80s trivia. I'd almost consider Star Wars trivia, if you're a non-geek. I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon - I can read and understand JavaScript, but I don't write code as a general rule, as I tend to break things. Klingon? You'd have to ask Craig. Here's the part I sing on... You see me roll on my Segway - Those are almost too nerdy for ME I know in my heart they think I'm White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Can't you see I'm white and nerdy Look at me I'm white and nerdy I'd like to roll with the gangstas Although it's apparent I'm too White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy I'm just too white and nerdy How'd I get so white and nerdy I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics - True. Did you know that I also have the whole set of the X-Men cards released in 1992, I think? Yeah. I do. Plus Batman, at LEAST 3 sets, from the first movie. You know I collect 'em The pens in my pocket, I must protect them - no. My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored - Craig. Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media - I've been known to do that. So? I edit Wikipedia - I just run my own wikis. I memorized Holy Grail really well - I taught Brandon "pie jesu domine, dona eis requiem" *bonk* when he started to talk. Now, bring out your dead! I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L - Are you laughing yet? I got a business doing websites (websites) - http://www.darkerviolet.com When my friends need some code, who do they call? - Call me (call me) on the line, you can call me any, any time. I do HTML for 'em all - Seems like it Even made a homepage for my dog, yo - I may have designed one for the cats. But - did you know I set up Bran's first email address when he was FIVE DAYS OLD?! I got myself a fanny pack - my mom does. They were havin' a sale down at The Gap Spend my nights with a role of bubble wrap - Brandon got a roll of it for his 3rd birthday. Pop, pop - hope no one sees me gettin' freaky I'm nerdy in the extreme Whiter than sour cream - Actually, Craig is. I was in AV club and glee club - no, but I was president of the French Club for a while, and I was in 3 choirs, Tournament Forensics, and stage manager of all our school productions. And even the chess team - Nope. Only question I ever thought was hard Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?" EASY. Picard all the way, baby. Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire - I have friends who do that, but I don't. I've contemplated it, but I have my reasons for not doing it. Geeks. Got my name on my underwear - Craig's name is on my undies. Heh. They see me strollin', they're laughin' And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so White and nerdy - Quite possibly. Just because I'm white and nerdy Just because I'm white and nerdy All because I'm white and nerdy Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy I wanna bowl with the gangstas But oh well, it's obvious I'm White and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy Think I'm just too white and nerdy I'm just too white and nerdy Look at me I'm white and nerdy 3月27日 Holy Crap, Batman!HDSQRL IS A FREAK. I just thought I'd get that out there, and get it off my chest. You know, I always knew I was bizarre, and quite strange and odd to hang out with. I hereby state, for the record, that perhaps I AM hdsqrl's evil twin; it may even be the other way around. Apparently, she's a people watcher, just like me. And, like me, is prone to fits of giggles. To the point of annoying everyone else you're with. Let's say you're in some random bar, playing NTN Texas Hold 'Em poker with your significant others, and watching the various waitresses in varying stages of flirtiness. And watching the other patrons as they drink themselves into a stupor, and try to get their flirt on. Say you find a patron who's so far into his drink that he CANNOT stand up without the standard "drunkard wobble" - YOU know what I'm talking about. And he's got those slitty-looking eyes, the kind that give away the fact that he's thisclose to passing out. And you can just TELL, when this patron opens his mouth to talk, that he sounds like a cross between Mushmouth (from Fat Albert, for cryin' out loud!) and Kenny. And he's trying to look oh-so-smooth while he props himself up on his beer. And it's not working. And you've got the giggles. Or, say you see a waitress in her short-short-shorts, and you notice something. You shouldn't have noticed it, but you DID. There's a business card in her pants. It's near her butt crease (you know, the part right above your crack, but not really deep enough to be considered a crack, so it's a crease). THEN you notice that she also has greasy handprints on her hot-pink shorts. More giggling ensues. THEN "the boys" start doing their lame impressions of "Special Ed" (Crank Yankers, folks!). It's irritatingly funny, but more irritating than funny. Let's go bowling next time. :) YAY! 3月22日 Still nothing good.
3月14日 Your grammer!
3月13日 Help!I have a few stupid sites that need help: Unlimited Stupidity: Currently hosts some not-work-safe photos of the State of the Union address; you can visit the front page of the site safely, just don't click on the links! Anyway, with a name like that, the site could be SO MUCH MORE! Ideas? Planet Mom and the forums: Again, has so much potential, but what? WAHM Tea Parties: A site I just bought on eBay - I have to do a lot of updating, and may do an overhaul of some of it. I need ideas, and maybe some help. Not in the creating / maintaining of the site, but of, well, the other stuff. Craig and I can handle the easy stuff :) There are others, but those are the best I can think of for now. Also, I'm trying to come up with a name for my growing Passion Parties team - any ideas? 3月2日 A bunch of Random Crap (TM)You know, I've always known that I'm sick and twisted, but this really takes the cake. We have a small problem with sweet ants in our home - they're in our BATHROOM, for cryin' out loud! - and they PISS ME OFF. So when I saw one just dawdling on the toilet seat last night, I swiped it into the bowl, yelled "Take THAT, you damned ant!" and cackled madly while I proceeded to do my business. Nothing feels better than peeing on helpless bugs in your toilet bowl, I tell you what! Except, maybe, taking a dump. And it's even BETTER when you can manage both of those. I sure showed that ant! Now that I've gotten your attention and totally grossed you out, check out this site: KaleCoAuto. I found it while visiting the local Pontiac club owners car group (yeah, I belong to a car club, you have something to say about that?) So that site reminded me of a small funny. When me and my friend were in college (in Kirksville), we'd often get bored and find ourselves at the new 24-hour Wal-Mart Super Center, where we'd often proceed to ask some poor auto parts clerk where the blinker fluid was. More often than not, they'd tell us they'd have to order some more, as they were all out. I'm really not kidding, either. Ahh, those were the days, when we were young, bored, and in college! So other than that, there's not much else that I can relate for today. You'll just have to hope that something funny happens soon! By the way, my birthday is fast approaching. I like beer, fine tequila, and expensive chocolate. Thank you.  (By the way, can anyone explain to me why the smilies in this joint suck so much!?) 2月26日 Saturday nights are all right for SOMETHING!Woo hoo, yesterday, I was in training for 8 hours, but now I'm officially an AVON Certified Beauty Advisor. Doesn't mean much, except that I'm more confident in the product line, and I can make you over to look like a cheap hooker. Wait, I could do the "cheap hooker" part before. I thoroughly enjoyed 8 hours of "me" time where I wasn't being a mommy or a wife - so when my friend called me last night asking me to go to FunkyTown with her, I jumped at the chance! I really hate that place, but it was, for the most part, entertaining. My friend and her husband and my friend's friend were there - we sat near the back of the place, behind a row of fake hedges. It was nice, as we could peek over the hedges and giggle at the idiots. There was this guy there who had terrible sideburns - they looked something like this going down his cheek - < - but slanted downward to his chin. My friend's husband kept referring to him as "Porkchop". There was also some weird-looking guy who did what I called "frat-boy" dancing - his head wiggled a lot, and he did some really strange movements that are usually seen at frat parties. He was weird. Some guy with a slight bouffant and a bowling shirt tried to pick up my friend and her friend, but the other friend made a comment that led bowling-shirt-guy to think they were lesbians. Also, for those familiar with The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Gay Jazzy Jeff was there last night. I wouldn't lie to you. We also discovered that Porkchop was a bit on the gay side - now, don't go thinking I'm homophobic, or anything, but this guy was trying to look butch and tough, but believe me, his mannerisms just DRIPPED with gay-ness, in a truly hilarious way. To top off the night, I went up toward the dancefloor to visit the grungy bathroom, and spied my friend dancing away, with her back turned. I grabbed her butt. And fell because I was being stupid and not paying attention. And twisted my ankle all to hell. It's swelled up pretty hugely, like I've got a golf ball under my skin. Well, the swelling has gone down some, but DAMN. How was your weekend? I'm going to have some cake now. 2月24日 The following is...NOT work safe. It's the recording from those kids - if you have a earphones, plug them in and download away, but don't blame me if you get in trouble! Totally Ripped! What would it take?A friend of mine just resigned her position at a large local firm;
she's worked there for quite a while, and she's just burned out. I can
give you all sorts of reasons why I think she's burned out, but I
won't. I'm going straight for the funny stuff. Anyway, she was chatting with my husband last night while he was connected to the work network (they work at the same place) and she mentioned that she'd had two directors call her asking what it would take to get her to stay. As a longtime listener of a local morning show, the first thing I thought of was "A handjob". The DJ always said that he wanted to have this conversation with a car salesman: Car Salesman: "What would it take to get you into this car today?" DJ: "A Handjob." But then, I thought, if it were me with this situation, what would it take to get ME to stay? These thoughts started going through my head, further proving why I'm not fit to work for anyone but me.
That reminds me: I'm also a terrible housecleaner, but my friends enjoyed it when I hosted a Passion Party at my own house; some of them have volunteered to help clean in return for discounts or free product, which isn't a bad idea, but perhaps this idea is better? It came to me partly because of some kids who found my ad on the back of The Pitch, and decided to prank me by reciting a snippet of a Tenacious D song - mind you, they sounded all of 11 years old - but they kept telling me how they'd been doing cock push-ups, and that their cocks were really ripped - well, I recorded the call, I'll try to stream it eventually. ANYWAY, since I get loads of crazy calls from my Pitch ads, I figured it wouldn't hurt for me to run an ad like this: Wanted: Submissive who is great at cleaning and organizing. Must be willing to be degraded, condescended, and beaten with various phallic items and other random objects if the rules are not followed. Trouble is, someone would answer it. While it might be fun for a while, I'm sure I'd get bored of it. Of course, if my house was kept clean... Many of my friends think that's a great idea, except I don't really want to field those calls. It's bad enough that I get men asking if I can show them how to dress like women - do I really want the REST of the pervs calling me!? 2月21日 This one's going out to all the fly mothers out there...Whatever. So there's this girl who will remain nameless that, I think, is probably going to be my stalker. Or is it the other way around? I forget, because I'm old, she's older, so who knows. But she thought me humorous and wanted me to start my own craptacular Space, so I'm indulging her. Plus, she can't go visit my Xanga all that often while at work, because, let's face it - it's NOT WORK SAFE. On purpose. So I'll start with this. Over the weekend, Craig and I made a mad Wal-Mart run while his parents watched our sick little guy. While at Wal-Mart, we both spied (and sniffed) a new Secret anti-perspirant / deodorant in a new fragrance we'd never seen before - Vanilla Sparkle. Barring the incredibly asinine product name, it didn't smell too badly, as far as anti-perspirant / deodorant goes. It is a clear gel, which I've never tried before, but what the hell, right? So I used it the first time yesterday morning. My armpits smelled like a girly mixed drink all day, but not necessarily in a bad way. Kind of like a Kahlua and Cream, or something. If you like to drink as much as me, it's not too bad. It's not a baby-powder smell, or some crappy floral smell, so I can live with it. Then I went to take a shower this morning. Off comes my shirt, and WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT SMELL!?! It's me. Apparently, unlike normal solids, gel deodorant doesn't have the staying power. I'm not a very feminine girl, and my pits aren't very girly, either, so unless I've got something on that clogs those fuckers up, I'm gonna smell like a trench-digger before you know it. And I knew it. Okay, okay, it wasn't *that* bad, but holy crap, I go from smelling like Vanilla Sparkle to I-haven't-bathed-in-a-while in less than 24 hours? My usual fragrance lasts a lot longer, so, while I prefer this scent, I'm back to that other Secret scent with the yellow label. I forget what it is. Good thing I work at home, huh? Next topic. The other day, on my Xanga, I posted a bit about the "stupid news night" that we'd had here in KC, but there was something I forgot that I just *knew* was the icing on the cake, if only I could remember it. I finally remembered. There were these two escaped convicts, from North Dakota or something, who'd been spotted in the area. Apparently, they checked into a local hotel, and parked their car suspiciously. (I still haven't figured out what the hell that means.) A police man ran the plates, and the car came back as belonging to this married couple. Now that's stupid. But it gets STUPIDER. The imbeciles REGISTERED IN THEIR OWN FUCKING NAMES. They're wanted. By the law. And on the run. AND THEY USED THEIR REAL NAMES. Duh, anyone? So the cops set up a sting operation to capture these so very stupid criminals - and in the process, the criminals ESCAPE. Now, we've determined that this pair were certainly not the sharpest crayons in the box, right? What does that say about the policemen involved? I giggled for hours thinking about that. I'm done with that one, so now, do you want to know what I'm having for lunch? I know you do. I've nuked myself some of those cheap, crappy, full-of-fake-ingredients burritos, plus a cup of lukewarm (and slightly bitter) coffe, a room-temperature Coke, and some water. Can you tell I'm on a diet? But after the week I've had - a sick child, Craig's put in 78 hours - I'm just enjoying a few hours of quiet time while the little one is in preschool today. That reminds me of something I thought about while I was showering - you'll find that shower time is the best time for me to think, because it's usually the most peaceful time of day. As a mother to a 2 1/2 year old, and a wife to someone who is probably 12 1/2 developmentally, it's all relative. Anyway, I was just thinking about my horrid Space layout - it's all red and fiery - so I thought I'd explain it a bit, for all you newcomer. (Notice there's no plural - I'm not expecting any visitors!) I'm a pyromaniac. I don't make my own explosives yet - but I used to start small fires with magnifying glasses and leaves in coffee cans when I was little. My in-laws bought me a chimenea as a housewarming gift so I could at least CONTROL the burn. I love the Fourth of July. I'm pretty tame when it comes to pyromaniacal-ness, but I still belong to the club. Is it because I'm an Aries, and I'm FIRE? (remember the Bennetton commercial?) Maybe. So that led my train to a tarot reading I had this summer by my friend and doula - she thought she knew me well, but then she saw my cards - my personal motto has always been "Hell hath no fury like a woman" - and the cards proved that. I am apparently a justice-bringer, and, while not malicious, I am intent on people getting what they deserve. That train goes here. When Craig got fired from his job of almost ten years (and, by the way, he just turned 29!), I was not only upset, but angry. I had seen it coming, and had been making preparations for it, but it came about a month before I expected it to happen. I simmered and stewed for a while, and then came up with the idea of sending his ex-manager a thank you note. You read that right, a THANK YOU note. In it, I said "Thank you for your part in Craig's termination. Because of that, he finally was able to find a job he liked MORE, he's now appreciated MORE, and he makes MORE. I only hope that you get MORE than you deserve in life". Very nice, yes? I thought you'd like it. Now, I'm going to eat my burritos. 2月20日 As Seen on The Squirrel's NestHey, I DO have a blog, but it's Xanga, because it just is. But because you've tagged me, I'm going to do this. Under duress, of course, and only on the condition that ummm...oh hell. I don't know. 7 Things I Cannot/Will not Do:
2月18日 This could be cool, but...MSN Spaces might be neat, but I've spent so much time on my Xanga - it's not like I write anything that anyone ever checks out anyway. I'm so lame. My Xanga |
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