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Irritated Perpetually

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I have no friends, I don't even have a *real* job, I just stay at home, take care of my son, and pretend to work at home. I'm mean, rude, disgusting, cranky, and have no real sense of tact. I'm also pretty boring.
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Liar Liar Pants on...

Heh hehe - umm, nevermind.
12月6日

I really should add something funny...

just for Megan, but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  I probably won't.  Let me add a photo, though.  It's our Christmas tree - 6 feet tall, with nine - YES, NINE strands of lights.  I'm not done yet. 

Passion Parties by Shelly Holiday 2006 Newsletter

  Passion Parties by Shelly
Holiday 2006 Newsletter
http://www.kcpassion.com
 :: Shop Online ::  View Newsletter Online  :: Contact Me :: MySpace :: MSN Messenger:shelly@kcpassion.com::
 


:: More Feet on the Street ::

We are still running our spectacular "More Feet on the Street" promotion until December 31st - if you have been thinking about joining my team, your time is running out!  If you are considering this opportunity with Passion Parties, now is the perfect time to start earning maximum profits with minimal investment. For a limited time, all new Passion Consultants™ can start their business on the fast track.

The demonstration kit you choose determines how much profit you make. Each kit starts you out at a discount percentage of 10%, 25%, or 40%. More Feet on the Street offers special benefits to all new Consultants.

During More Feet on the Street you can:

• Buy the Starter Kit and receive a 10% 25% buying discount
• Buy Passion Pac #1 and receive a 25% 40% buying discount
• Start with Passion Pac #2 and receive FREE SHIPPING on the Business Builder Order* when the qualifying order* and the Business Builder Order* are placed at the same time.
*Orders must be placed by December 31, 2006.

If you are ready to start your business today, click here and complete the online form, or send an email to shelly@kcpassion.com. I will contact you to discuss the possibilities.  If you sign up between now and the end of the month, and then get qualified within your first 30 days of being a consultant, I will give you $50 worth of gifts for your personal or business use!  Contact me for more details today!

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:: "The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex" ::

The Tupperware party has been replaced by a sexy new phenomenon:  The Passion Party!  On any given night, thousands of consultants roll into driveways with sensuous goodies and frank talk that are rekindling relationships and educating women all over America.  Instead of learning about kitchenware, ladies at these parties are discovering new and delightful ways to please themselves and their partners.  The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex captures the girl's-night-in- energy of these parties in dozens of hilarious and revealing stories from party-goers.  In addition, the book provides detailed advice on the tools, techniques, and romantic moves that can elevate lovemaking to extraordinary heights.  With this book by their bedside, women will learn to:

  • Bring a playful, sexy attitude into the bedroom

  • Let their partner know what they want while respecting their partner's feelings

  • Expand and extend the possibilities of foreplay

  • Have stronger, longer, more frequent orgasms

  • Experiment and discover which sensuous products work for them

Including a seven-day Passion Challenge (a week-long journey women and their partners won't forget), The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex unlocks the secrets to turning any bedroom into a honeymoon suite of intimacy and pleasure.  Look for it at your favorite bookstore beginning January 9th, or if you are interested in pre-ordering it, please let me know. 

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:: Valentine's Day Catalogs ::

The Valentine's Day catalogs and products will be available for preview in a few weeks - be the first to see the products by booking and holding a party!  There are rumors of some great new products and hot new specials - so I am offering a special incentive to the FIRST THREE PEOPLE to book and hold a qualifying Valentine's Product Launch - when your party reaches $350 or more, I will give you one product (of my choice) out of the catalog for FREE!  Also, I am offering special incentives to hostesses who book and hold a home show, catalog show, or online show:  When your sales reach $1000, on top of your hostess credit you will receive an item worth at least $50 FREE!  Ask me for more information, but book your parties soon, as my dates fill up quickly!

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:: Special Offers ::

In anticipation of the release of the book The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex, I am happy to offer some specials on products that are prominently mentioned in the book!  For every order of $50 or more of any of these products, I will throw in a bullet absolutely FREE!  I am only ordering a limited number of products, so get your order in early!  This offer ends promptly on December 20th, so please contact me if you have any questions.  Pass this on to all your friends, and if your friend orders $50 or more AND gives me your name, I'll add a coupon you can use for next year. 

If you have been considering having a party, but just don't have the time to get all your friends together for 3 hours one evening, talk to me about an online or catalog party.  You can pass catalogs out to your friends, or they can shop online at their convenience.  You and your friends can email, call, or we can even schedule chat sessions where questions can be answered.  This is a great option if your friends are all long-distance, or if you have a hectic holiday schedule.  As an incentive, rather than the regular 10% hostess credit, I will give you 15% hostess credit WHEN the party sales reach $350 retail. 

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:: Announcement!! ::

As you may remember, in the last issue, I hinted that I had a special announcement that I wanted to share with all my passionate friends.  A few months ago, I found out that we will be welcoming a new addition to our family!  I have just entered the second trimester of this pregnancy, with an expected due date of May 29th, 2007.  What better time, then, to join my team!  Spring and Summer are my busiest times of the year, and I would love to have a team to share party leads with, should I just have "one of those days"!  Besides that, you'll make some great new friends, earn a nice income (did I mention that all my Christmas shopping was done with *my* earnings?), and have a lot of fun getting PAID to PARTY!  How many times can I say I LOVE MY JOB!? 

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:: Contact Me ::

As always, thank you for being a loyal customer.  If you have any need to contact me, please feel free to use the following:

Shelly Clemons
Phone: 816.313.0450
Email: shelly@kcpassion.com
Web: http://www.kcpassion.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/kcpassion

To view this newsletter online, please click here.

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Copyright 2006


11月16日

Cross-posting the HELL out of this one!

While I'm sitting here eating my TWO Sausage McMuffin with egg (shut up.  I haven't been eating much lately, so just SHUT UP!) I'm pondering the lyrics of my new Theme Song.  A week or so ago, Craig handed me a copy of a CD, unlabled, and handed it to me as I was off to a meeting. I've barely made it past the first track.  In fact, it's one of those songs that I like to turn up REALLY LOUD in the preschool parking lot right after I've dropped Brandon off.  I open up the moon roof and turn that mother out, if you know what I'm sayin'.  The bass line alone is enough to make the other soccer moms think I'm gonna put a cap in they ass.  Anyway, here are the lyrics, with annotations.  Werd.

Lyrics to Weird Al's White & Nerdy (Ridin' Parody)

You see me mowin' my front lawn - I hardly think so.  Allergies, my friends.
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so  - Possibly.
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas - not especially
But so far they all think I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT - Didn't make it that far
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D - Never played it, but I've watched my husband play.  Does that count for anything?
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.- I could possibly agree with that
Keep you're 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea - while you know I love to imbibe adult beverages, pregnancy prevents me at the moment. I choose tea.
My rims never spin, to the contrary - THIS is absolutely true.  Spiinning rims make my head hurt.
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry - well, most of the ones I have *are* new in box.  Mostly Star Wars.
Stephen Hawking's in my library - Not yet, but it's on my list.  I do read history books for fun, however.

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out - not especially, but I try.  Check out myspace.com/darkerviolet and myspace.com/kcpassion to see.
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces - HA I WISH
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places - Craig might.  I know 3.141blahblahblah.
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces - Got mine off in 1988.  1 day before class photos.
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise - NO.
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days - I'm no good at it
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed - I *could* however, show you some sweet moves.
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze - The sweet moves may or may not be related to my fingers. 

There's no killer app I haven't run (run) - well, that's probably not possible, but close!
At Pascal, well I'm number one (one) - Ehh, no.  Ask Craig.
Do vector calculus just for fun - NO.
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun (what?) - No, but I have several glue guns.
Happy Days is my favorite theme song - Either that or Brady Bunch
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong - Because I'd cheat and knock your head in with the paddle.  :D
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on - This one, I'd agree with.  I dare you to challenge me to music trivia or 80s trivia.  I'd almost consider Star Wars trivia, if you're a non-geek.
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon - I can read and understand JavaScript, but I don't write code as a general rule, as I tend to break things.  Klingon?  You'd have to ask Craig.

Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my Segway - Those are almost too nerdy for ME
I know in my heart they think I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics - True.  Did you know that I also have the whole set of the X-Men cards released in 1992, I think?  Yeah.  I do.  Plus Batman, at LEAST 3 sets, from the first movie. 
You know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them - no.
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored - Craig.
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media - I've been known to do that.  So?
I edit Wikipedia - I just run my own wikis.
I memorized Holy Grail really well - I taught Brandon "pie jesu domine, dona eis requiem" *bonk* when he started to talk.  Now, bring out your dead!
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L - Are you laughing yet?

I got a business doing websites (websites) - http://www.darkerviolet.com
When my friends need some code, who do they call? - Call me (call me) on the line, you can call me any, any time.
I do HTML for 'em all - Seems like it
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo - I may have designed one for the cats.  But - did you know I set up Bran's first email address when he was FIVE DAYS OLD?!
I got myself a fanny pack - my mom does.
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a role of bubble wrap - Brandon got a roll of it for his 3rd birthday.
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream - Actually, Craig is.
I was in AV club and glee club - no, but I was president of the French Club for a while, and I was in 3 choirs, Tournament Forensics, and stage manager of all our school productions.
And even the chess team - Nope.
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?" EASY.  Picard all the way, baby.
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire - I have friends who do that, but I don't.  I've contemplated it, but I have my reasons for not doing it. Geeks.

Got my name on my underwear - Craig's name is on my undies.  Heh.
They see me strollin', they're laughin'
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so
White and nerdy - Quite possibly.

Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy
3月27日

Holy Crap, Batman!

HDSQRL IS A FREAK.

I just thought I'd get that out there, and get it off my chest. 

You know, I always knew I was bizarre, and quite strange and odd to hang out with.  I hereby state, for the record, that perhaps I AM hdsqrl's evil twin; it may even be the other way around.

Apparently, she's a people watcher, just like me.  And, like me, is prone to fits of giggles.  To the point of annoying everyone else you're with. 

Let's say you're in some random bar, playing NTN Texas Hold 'Em poker with your significant others, and watching the various waitresses in varying stages of flirtiness.  And watching the other patrons as they drink themselves into a stupor, and try to get their flirt on. 

Say you find a patron who's so far into his drink that he CANNOT stand up without the standard "drunkard wobble" - YOU know what I'm talking about.  And he's got those slitty-looking eyes, the kind that give away the fact that he's thisclose to passing out.  And you can just TELL, when this patron opens his mouth to talk, that he sounds like a cross between Mushmouth (from Fat Albert, for cryin' out loud!) and Kenny.  And he's trying to look oh-so-smooth while he props himself up on his beer.  And it's not working.  And you've got the giggles.

Or, say you see a waitress in her short-short-shorts, and you notice something.  You shouldn't have noticed it, but you DID.  There's a business card in her pants.  It's near her butt crease (you know, the part right above your crack, but not really deep enough to be considered a crack, so it's a crease).  THEN you notice that she also has greasy handprints on her hot-pink shorts.  More giggling ensues.

THEN "the boys" start doing their lame impressions of "Special Ed" (Crank Yankers, folks!).  It's irritatingly funny, but more irritating than funny. 

Let's go bowling next time.  :)

YAY!
3月22日

Still nothing good.

Your Gemstone is Amethyst

Dignified, impressive, and wise.

You have a deeply spiritual soul
What Gemstone Are You?


Innit strange, especially since my favorite color is purple?  Whoopee!
 
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